February 2010
1 post
72 hours...
in 72 hours i will face a new day without a mullet for the first time in almost a year.
this is very emotional news for you all, i am sure.
i am not done with my fight but it is time to take a step back and re-charge.
there are many experiences i have yet to chronicle, so this blog will not go dormant.
January 2010
2 posts
mullets and firearms
i had never fired a gun in my life.
sure, i’ve played paintball… i’ve wielded one of those foam dart crossbows… once i even held an actual piece in my hand… but it wasn’t loaded.
essentially, i spent my life pussyfooting around the whole subject of deadly weapons.
until i grew a mullet.
——-
i step confidently out of my vehicle after driving...
November 2009
3 posts
breaking barriers on a fall afternoon...
with a gorgeous fall day on tap, i was inspired to coax the camaro out of hiding* and remind her who is boss (me).
after about ten minutes and a dozen different expletives, she started — coughing a cloud of black discharge into the alleyway. i pulled away noisily and flipped off my neighbors through the t-top above my head as i rolled by.
i hit a stoplight and took a moment to dig around under...
October 2009
3 posts
mullet in the stands
you’d think a ballgame would be a safe place to bring a mullet — you’d be wrong.
over the course of this nearly six month old experiment i’ve attended plenty of sporting events and the results have been, well, troubling.
despite trails blazed by mulleted sportsmen like brian bosworth, john kruk and 92% of those who’ve ever laced up hockey skates, it seems that fans just...
update
it’s been an unruly stretch of growth for my hair — so much so that i’ve been emotionally overcome by its grandeur, unable to write (much less finish the story of how I got the camaro back) as the tears of joy running down my cheeks would surely blur the ink from this fountain pen…
it’s also possible i’ve been busy with “real” work…
(check back...
August 2009
4 posts
URGENT — my camaro has been stolen!
today is the day i was supposed to enjoy free papa john’s pizza as a reward for owning a camaro — the 85 camaro you helped me buy to benefit goodwill / easter seals.
instead, i awoke to discover that my camaro has been stolen…
this affects all of us — mulleted and non-mulleted alike.
stay tuned……
-BIFPIB-
mullet mission: PGA championship
it’s not every day a major golf championship takes place in your backyard. it’s also not every day that someone with a raging mullet is able to attend… enjoy!
event: opening round of 2009 PGA championship
location: hazeltine golf club, chaska, MN
attire: jack daniel’s t-shirt with sleeves cut off, cheap sunglasses, shorts and mullet.
over the course of my experiment —...
July 2009
7 posts
the 'maro
i purchased a camaro. it’s glorious. much more to come. just wanted to check in and let you know that everyone is healthy.
camaro drive — final day, big surprise!
today is the last day we’ll be accepting donations toward the purchase of an eighties camaro and there’s a big BIFPIB surprise in store…
first off, i want to thank everyone who has helped out so far. we’ve had contributions ranging from $1 to hundreds. kudos! because of your help we’ll be giving a camaro to goodwill’s car donation program once i cut my mullet.
...
a tale of two tastings...
i just returned from a lovely weekend in door county — the cape cod of the midwest. wisconsin’s peninsula is filled with big money, big yachts, fancy boating shoes and — at least for a day — one really thirsty mulleted american looking for free wine tastings.
the county is dotted with many wineries. i chose two of them for my mission… one that was a bit more high end by reputation and...
update
it’s been a busy couple weeks in BIFPIB land… i went on a mission to buy product at a high-end hair academy that i will be blogging about soon. i also took my test drive with tom peters and the video has already been viewed over 5,000 times. pretty righteous! (who knew people could stare at a mulleted american on screen for a full 3 minutes?)
as you know, the test drive became...
June 2009
16 posts
Watchlast week i took a ride with tom peters - designer of the 2010 camaro. enjoy!
the 2010 camaro: bridging the gap
a few days ago i had the pleasure of meeting tom peters, lead designer of the 2010 chevrolet camaro. tom’s baby - the fifth iteration of the camaro - does the name proud.
not only does the 2010 make up for the unsightly fourth generation (often referred to as ‘the mullet of camaros’ by mulletistic car enthusiasts) but it represents a sleek, stylish olive branch in the direction...
tonight: camaro summit meeting
in a few short hours i will find myself face to face with tom peters — designer of the new 2010 camaro.
much like a fine wine, the camaro has historically needed the benefit of elapsed time to be truly appreciated. but just looking at the 2010 you can tell it’s loaded with tasty automotive tannins.
yes, the 2010 is really a throwback camaro — one that might help americans forget about the...
trim job — postgame report
i’m back. i will try to deliver a blow-by-blow in as little time as the haircut took (about four minutes)
——-
they only take walk-ins, so i wasn’t delinquent for not calling ahead. i introduce myself as ‘jeff’ and then moments later forget i was ‘jeff’ and say ‘T.R.’ when she’s putting me into the computer. the stylist seems...
trim job
it’s time for my second trim in as many months. last time i went to the stylist who started it all, figuring that, if she had given me a mullet in the first place, the odds of her trying to be a hero and cut it off were low. i was right. she didn’t harm my hair. rather, she enhanced its glory — even adding racing stripes at my urging.
but this time i think i need to raise the stakes....
a high-class weekend
if there’s anything i’ve learned over the first seven weeks of my experiment it’s that mulleted americans have a distinct place in society — a zone in which we are expected to stay. generally, as long as we don’t stray too close to the fence, we are tolerated by those looking in — even ‘loved’ in a sort of mocking way.
‘look at that carnie with the...
mullet = instant camaro cred?
as if my hair-induced obsession with all things camaro weren’t already running hot enough… i’ve been invited to meet the designer of the 2010 camaro next week.
no matter that i’ve never sat in any camaro, apparently having a mullet qualifies me as an expert to the fine folks at GM (and people wonder why they’re bankrupt…)
i’ll be enjoying fancy drinks...
party with a mulleted american at work...
if you haven’t pitched in to our goodwill campaign yet, today’s the day. here’s why…
donate at least ten bucks to mulletlikeme.com’s goodwill camaro drive today and you’ll be entered in a drawing to win a pizza party delivered to your place of work once we reach our goal.
if your name is drawn you get to tell your boss (or employees) that you and 10 of your...
mustache wearers: mulleted americans in hiding?
with regard to mullets, you can break most of society into three groups:
group 1 — fake mulletists (mullet-supporters in denial)
some suggest wearing a mullet makes me a ‘hipster’ seeking some sort of perverse attention — others accuse me of attempting what they call a ‘fashion mullet’ — and there are still those who claim that my hair is not yet a mullet.
this breed of...
May 2009
16 posts
brush with greatness: brian setzer
while relaxing at a local tavern this afternoon i watched a man with an impressive mop walk through the door. as he bellied up to the bar i realized it was none other than guitar god brian setzer.
setzer is a pioneer with an uncanny ability to transition his signature sound from a three piece rockabilly outfit to a big band (and back) with ease. the man’s musical accolades are impressive to...
checking your mullet for ticks
i just returned from a wedding in god’s country where i was well-received by a crowd of strangers. here are a few of the words of encouragement i heard:
“aw, christ is that a mullet? no way!”
“did you get the racing stripes just for the wedding?”
“i had one of those in the eighties. although we didn’t call it a mullet. we called it a haircut.”
...
mulletdrive — awful wheels for a bitchin' cause
you’ve always wanted to help a man with a mullet purchase a beat up camaro, right?
and do it for a good cause? (as if assisting a mulleted-american in need isn’t noble enough)
your chance has arrived. and it will all benefit goodwill / easter seals
i’ve got my eye on a few different cars — primarily camaros and trans ams — that will lend a bit more cred to my experiment.
if...
jared allen
the other night, while out at an establishment enjoying myself, i was harassed by a group of mulletists. they kept yelling something at me but it didn’t resemble any insult i’d heard in the first few weeks of my experiment.
“hey, it’s jared allen!”
“hey jared!
“jared allen! jared allen!!”
they were referring, of course, to the all-pro defensive...
i need a new car...
i drive a toyota yaris hatchback. it’s a great little car. killer mileage. fits a drum kit. relatively fun to drive. etc. i’ve recommended the yaris to friends and would buy one again in a heartbeat. there’s just one problem…
it totally betrays my experiment.
i’m not saying a mulleted-american can’t drive a yaris… rather, i’m starting to realize...
my first trim.
after three weeks of growth, the front portion of my mullet was getting a little long. in an effort to bring the business/party ratio back into balance, i decided to get a trim.
i returned to the salon where it all started and was greeted by the lovely melissa…
“so you’re ready to get rid of it?”
au contraire…
i explained that i had no intention of dismantling the...
mullet mission: lexus test drive
location: lexus dealership in a suburb
time: friday afternoon
attire: t-shirt with engine, flames and the word ‘freedom’ on it (no sleeves), sunglasses, energy drink.
after realizing that my trip to walmart was perhaps playing on a predictable extreme, i decided to take my train wreck of a hairdo to the other retail extreme — a luxury car dealership.
on the way to the lexus...
an update...
today i am going to test drive a lexus.
i got a fun shirt from JC Penney that has an engine on it and says ‘freedom’ across the chest…
also i cut the sleeves off.
i am not quite sure how to play the test drive. i might do it completely straight, save for the shirt and my hair — which, by the way, needs a trim up top.
i might also go to a mall salon today and get this thing...