23rd
mullet in the stands
you’d think a ballgame would be a safe place to bring a mullet — you’d be wrong.
over the course of this nearly six month old experiment i’ve attended plenty of sporting events and the results have been, well, troubling.
despite trails blazed by mulleted sportsmen like brian bosworth, john kruk and 92% of those who’ve ever laced up hockey skates, it seems that fans just can’t abide a mulleted american in the stands.
proof? when i stood to cheer at a recent baseball game a chant emerged from behind me. at first i thought they were yelling “punt it!!” which seemed odd, because that happens in football. but soon the crowd’s voice grew louder and clearer…
“MULL-ET! MULL-ET! MULL-ET!”
i tried to ignore them and keep cheering. but the inning ended. and they kept chanting.
i sat down. they chanted.
i stood back up after a moment to adjust my underpants. they chanted.
i sat back down. they chanted.
i walked up the long staircase to freshen my beverage. they chanted.
this continued for most of the night and represents a pattern emerging from all stadium experience i’ve had with this haircut — no matter the city, no matter the sport.
the icing on my baseball-shaped pariah cake was delivered by an email i received a day or two after the game. apparently my friend recognized me in a photo taken at the same game by a complete stranger. the photo, which was posted online, had the following caption:
“MULLET… it was GROSS”
gross? you know what’s gross? mocking a stranger from behind the safety of your lens. that’s gross.
you think any of you scare me? i will not stop cheering. i will not back down. i will not cut my hair.
at least not today.
-BIFPIB-
