16th
breaking barriers on a fall afternoon…
with a gorgeous fall day on tap, i was inspired to coax the camaro out of hiding* and remind her who is boss (me).
after about ten minutes and a dozen different expletives, she started — coughing a cloud of black discharge into the alleyway. i pulled away noisily and flipped off my neighbors through the t-top above my head as i rolled by.
i hit a stoplight and took a moment to dig around under the seats for some halen to accompany my cruise. the second said light turned green a well-groomed man in a german import behind me honked impatiently.
i waited a moment for him to lay on his horn again. he did. i then stomped on the gas — hard — fishtailing away from the hurried elitist whose beamer was now enveloped in a plume of my thunder.
who does that loser think he is? — i asked myself as ‘beautiful girls’ hit the first chorus — why does he think the world should work differently for him than me? there’s nothing he can do that i can’t!
to prove this point i decided to proceed directly to the most exclusive hotel in town and valet park my camaro. when i got there i threw left her running, halen blaring, and motioned toward the doorman.
“be good to this sucker” — i shouted as i headed for the bar.
“pardon me, sir.” — he stopped me and asked how long i would be parking. i said i was stopping in for a cocktail in their bar so, who knows? an hour? seven? three weeks?
he then handed me a valet ticket that referred to me as a “transient guest” — seriously?
“i have a home…” i muttered as i walked past mr. top hat through the door.
inside the bar i heard a loud clicking sound and people shouting…
“ribeye! ribeye!”
“turkey leg!”
“lobster tail, baby!”
“rack of lamb, rack of lamb!”
what the…?
after getting my bearings i realized what was taking place in this fabled establishment — a MEAT RAFFLE! the preferred game of chance of mulleted americans everywhere!
and to think, a moment earlier they assumed i was a transient… perhaps their meat raffle would have been an even bigger hit if they had a sign outside: “transients welcome”
-bifpib-
* yes, i have the car back. look for part 2 of the camaro rescue mission video this week.
